When Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi returned in 2025, I couldn’t resist tuning in — partly out of curiosity, partly nostalgia, and, honestly, a bit of fondness for Smriti Irani.

Within minutes, I was transported back to the early 2000s — dramatic background music, endless close-ups, and the same old saas-bahu tension that defined Indian television for years.

But as I watched, one thought kept coming back:

Has anything really changed?

The clothes are modern, the sets are grander, but the storyline still feeds the same idea — that women in a household must constantly compete for love, respect, and authority.

Two decades later, the characters may have evolved on screen, but the mindset that fuels these stories hasn’t moved much in real life. Patriarchy still thrives — not just through men, but through women pitted against each other by generations of conditioning.

Maybe that’s why the show still feels oddly familiar. It’s not just fiction — it’s a reflection of the world many women still live in.

Why Do Women Compete Instead of Connect?

Why do women, especially in Indian households, often turn against each other instead of standing together?
It’s not just about personal rivalry—it’s about how patriarchy shapes women’s roles and relationships from the very beginning.

Why does a mother-in-law feel the need to control her daughter-in-law?
Why must a jethani (elder sister-in-law) assert power over the devrani (younger sister-in-law)?
Why do these patterns repeat generation after generation instead of breaking?

These aren’t simply personal issues—they’re symptoms of a larger, systemic problem.

It Starts Early: How Patriarchy Trains Women to Compete

From a young age, girls are taught that women’s friendships are full of jealousy and drama.
They grow up hearing taunts and witnessing rivalry among the women in their families—between mothers and grandmothers, aunts and daughters-in-law.

Slowly, they internalize the message: “Women don’t support each other—they compete.”
This becomes a learned survival strategy in a system that offers them limited power and respect.

It’s Not Personal, It’s Structural

In patriarchal families, power isn’t equally shared.
Men are placed at the top, while women compete among themselves for the limited influence they’re allowed.

A mother-in-law may dominate her daughter-in-law not out of cruelty, but because it’s one of the few areas where she feels she can exercise control.
A jethani guards her seniority to feel significant.
A nanand expects deference from her bhabhi because tradition has told her she deserves it.

This isn’t natural female rivalry—it’s a reflection of how patriarchy divides and controls women.

Women as Gatekeepers of Patriarchy

Patriarchy survives not only through men but through women who’ve been conditioned to enforce its rules.
Often, it’s not the men who restrict another woman’s choices—it’s other women in the family.

A mother-in-law might question her daughter-in-law’s clothing, a sister-in-law may gossip about her independence, and a grandmother might shame younger women for being “too modern.”

These small acts keep patriarchal control alive, quietly and efficiently.
Women end up passing down not only trauma but also the same rules and judgments that once confined them.

The Loss of Female Allyship

When women are trained to compete, they lose the opportunity to stand together.
They fight for love, respect, and authority—without realizing they’re fighting the wrong battle.

Each woman who gains power often replicates the same hierarchy she once suffered under.
This cycle prevents the formation of real, supportive sisterhood among women in Indian households.

Imagine how different family life could be if women supported each other instead of seeing one another as threats.

Breaking the Cycle: From Control to Compassion

The first step toward change is empathy.
Women must begin to see each other not as rivals, but as survivors of the same system.

It means:

• Setting healthy boundaries without hostility
• Respecting differences without dominance
• Questioning traditions that glorify submission
• Choosing understanding over control

When women share decisions rather than hand them down, families become more equal and peaceful.
Children raised in such homes grow up seeing women who respect each other—not fear each other.

The Real Revolution Begins at Home

A young woman alone cannot dismantle patriarchy—but she can choose not to repeat it.
She can stop controlling others and start showing compassion.

When even a few women choose empathy over hierarchy—whether as saas, bahu, jethani, devrani, nanand, or bhabhi—the home transforms.
And with it, so does the next generation.

Perhaps the most radical thing a woman can do today is to support another woman.
To lift instead of limit.
To cooperate instead of compete.

Because real change doesn’t always begin on the streets—it begins in our homes.

• Patriarchy in Indian families
• Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship
• Female rivalry in Indian homes
• Women and patriarchy
• Sisterhood and women empowerment
• SheMatters India